i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
