today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
