Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
