my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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