8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize