i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
