Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
