You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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