I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
