I wish life had little blips of pornography
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
