just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
