smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
