there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
