I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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