I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
