Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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