There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you had me at cake vodka
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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