but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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