im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
