I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My dad just said "fuck circus"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
