I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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