I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
