tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
