I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
