dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
