Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
