I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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