genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
