a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
where are my eyebrows?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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