one might say we're banned from that church
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
