Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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