Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
