My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
