Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
