do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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