If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
