they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
