I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
