wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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