Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
