Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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