THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
