Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
