After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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