Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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