We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
