I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
