Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
