Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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