wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
