Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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