Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
