I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize