You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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