Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize