Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
