i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
