I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
