Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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