how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize