I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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