No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
