If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize